You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize