Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
