Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
