I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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