Capitaan dildo arrescate!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
