genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
