Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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