got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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