Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
