even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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