i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
