did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
