Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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