I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think my fart just growled at me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
