Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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