Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
