Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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