Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
