you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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