he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
