My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
