so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
