Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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