Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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