Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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