Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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