did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
