I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My bed smells like the plague
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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