I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
