I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
only you would photoshop your dick
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
