woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
