last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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