I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
