***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
