is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
