OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
