So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
