so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
