we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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