I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
