hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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