Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
