dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
