I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
