New low: just hacked my moms facebook
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
