remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
