Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
