EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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