I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
