it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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