My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
