I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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