Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
