Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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