is your mom at the bar?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
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