It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
