No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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