Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
