So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
