i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
