Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
