Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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