Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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