Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
