Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
