So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
