dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
